Calling all FONGERS!
Hear the Majestic, Out-of-this-World Sounds of Outer Space, in tune! With the “MIRACULOUS FONGING XYLOPHONE.”
THE ART OF “FONGING”
“FONGING” has been around a long time.
It’s easy. Try it. (See upper drawing labeled “FONGING.)
1. Take length of string, at least 3 feet long.
2. Slide it between the tines of an oven rack.
3. Wrap the 2 ends of the string around your 2 index fingers.
4. Place your index fingers into your ears.
5. Raise the rack up so that it hangs freely.
6. Bump and strike and strum the oven rack.
You will hear sounds you would not believe a human ear could hear. I guarantee it.
The sounds are profound, majestic, overwhelming—as if the entire universe were resonating inside your head.
You can hear recordings of these sounds on the internet.
But INTERNET RECORDINGS DO NOT BEGIN TO CAPTURE THE TRUE EFFECT of having the sounds plugged directly into your ears.
Thus, THIS INSTRUMENT CANNOT BE ELECTRONIC.
It must be mechanical. It must be tangible and physical and present.
THE DESIGN
I took the “FONGING” idea and made it into a musical instrument, “THE MIRACULOUS FONGING XYLOPHONE.” (See lower drawing.)
1. TUNING – The tines of the “rack” (see drawing) are cut into different sizes (instead of all being the same size, as on a conventional oven rack), ranking from small to large. Each tine is tuned to a different pitch–like the graduated bars of a xylophone.
2. FRAME – The rack, with its tuned, different-size tines, is hung inside a square, four-legged frame, by rubber bands, by springs, or by anything that will allow maximum free vibration.
3. IN-EAR-PHONES – To replicate the effect of the index finger in the ears, in-ear-phones are attached to the vibrating “rack.” At least 2 in-ear-phones are needed: one for a listener, and one for the xylophone player.
4. MALLETS – A wide variety of mallets can be used to evoke different kinds of sounds from the instrument. A good option would be “Hammer Dulcimer” hammers, which are made to hammer on thin metal strings.
Note: The drawing is as simple as possible.
1. The NUMBER of tuned tines is optional (The drawing only shows 4, for clarity). Theoretically, there could be 4 octaves worth, or 48 tines, as in a concert xylophone.
2. All sorts of ADDITIONAL CROSS-BARS, metal attachments, sympathetic metal strings, etc., can be added to the “rack” to create a wide variety of out-of-this-world sounds.
A GODSEND FOR STREET PERFORMERS AND BUSKERS
The number one problem for musicians trying to make a living playing music on the street is that music played on normal instruments floats off into the air, where anybody can hear it for free.
Street performers and buskers would love this instrument because
A. Nobody can hear the music for free. Only a listener who puts on the in-ear-phones (for a fee) can hear.
B. People walking by, however, will see the pleasure and amazement of the listener, their curiosity will be aroused, and they will gladly line up for a chance to hear what it is.
C. The sounds are so uncanny that listeners who have paid a fee are sure to feel that they have got their money’s worth.
Anyone who likes transcendental, psychedelic, hallucinatory, mind-expanding, experiences, in other words, much of the American public, will love the sound of the MIRACULOUS FONGING XYLOPHONE.
Ted Silar 